I had to live to be over 70 to hear my younger son, now in his 40s, say, “Ma, you’re an inspiration to so many women.” At his request, I had written brief sketches of my experience working in Somalia in the mid 80s, with an Agency for International Development (AID) supported family health project. I was delighted that he suggested that I write about my experiences and I was even more pleased when I learned that he had shared these vignettes with friends and colleagues.
At the time that the possibility of work in Somalia came up, I was working for The American Public Health Association, organizing teams to support U.S. AID field projects in the developing world. I loved learning about the health and population programs that AID supported and recruiting experts to deal with such things as estimating contraceptive needs, training nurses, developing communication efforts and helping governments develop stronger population policies. But, I was on the sidelines and felt I was “always a brides-maid and never a bride.” In addition, the project was ending and I knew I would need to find another job. And so I jumped, when an opportunity for short-term recurring work in Somalia came along. I was literally so focused on the opportunity that I really didn’t consider the effect my absences might have on Jesse, who was in high school and living at home. As the time for departure approached I took care of the logistical arrangements, making sure that either Carolyn, my house-mate, with whom he got along famously, or his father, from whom I was divorced, would provide the needed coverage. He was 16 and I expected that he would understand that this was both important and career-changing work for me, which I felt I shouldn’t turn down.
But it didn’t turn out that way, and our expectations of each other were a lot more complicated than I appreciated at that time. He felt abandoned and angry that I would take an assignment and leave him for eight weeks. I was hurt and disappointed that he couldn’t share my enthusiasm and excitement. These feelings of being misunderstood on both sides continued for some time, perhaps a long time.
From the vantage point of time and perspective, it seems improbable that I was so focused on the career opportunities this offer provided me that I couldn’t see how abandoned he would feel, particularly since his older brother had just gone off to college. But that’s the way it was and it took years to unravel the layers of disappointment and hurt feelings my work in Somalia brought about. So Jesse’s interest in my work pleased me immensely and was the motivation for the following series of vignettes describing my work, the country and what it was like to work there.